In psychological terms there are seven stages of grief. After a person goes through all of them, he accepts the loss. Before all these stages are passed, it is normal for a person to be in denial, angry, unbelieving, passive, detached and so on.
But the first thing that a person feels is shock. The state of shock can last for a very long time. Generally, grief is one of the strongest emotions that a person can experience and, as long as it is a great stress, very frequently it pushes a person to look for support and consolation is drugs and alcohol. As long as there is nothing to do with what happened, it is better to know how to deal with grief.
First of all, it is better to accept what happened no matter how bad or unbelievable it can be. Denial is normal first reaction but it is better to be honest with yourself – there is nothing you can actually do to get the loved one back. Do not detach – instead let people be around you and let them take care of you. Talk to them, do not shut like an oyster in your grief. Writing a journal can be of tremendous help and it is a way to give vent to your feelings. This is especially helpful when you cannot talk and discuss the topic. Do not lock away your feelings – the longer you suppress them, the worse will be the pain.
One more important thing when you try to deal with grief – feeling pain is necessary and it is unavoidable. Therefore, let it take the best of you. Do not try to avoid. The more you try to be numb, the harder it will strike one day. Just let yourself feel the pain – it will go away easier.
It may seem that you will never be able to live like before. You can move to a different town as this is a way to avoid the places and situations that you used to share and not the feel the pain looking at everything that reminds you about the happy moments together. However, you can try to look at the things and accept that your loved one is not here with you any more and try to love it like this. The commonplace phrase that life continues is not deprived of sense and, perhaps, you should consider all the people around you who love you and need you.
In case you cannot make it – how to deal with grief – there are support groups. Before you go too biased about this type of therapy, think about how many people have benefited from simple sharing of their stories with others who appeared in the same situation of loss. This is where you will hear what you need and all these people around ? they know exactly how it feels. Your friends and family may be really sincerely supportive but they may not understand it fully. Besides, you can get a piece of a really good advice that will alleviate the pain.
For some people faith can become consolation. It is not news that when in grief prayer and church visits can become a person’s daily habit even if it wasn’t like this before. Religion has always provided consolation and strength for people in grief, teaching acceptance and patience. It may not be a way out for everyone but if it may help, then, why not.
It might be extremely hard to think about anything apart from your loss and the thoughts that life also lost its meaning. In case you feel desperate and unable to cope on your own, a counselor can help. There are a lot of specially trained people who can really help. They will listen or just keep silent with you, show you the options and direct you very tactfully. Healing is always hard and with grief counselor it can go faster and with less pain.
It is absolutely normal that you do not know how to deal with grief as no one prepares themselves for a loss. However, if irreversible happens, try not to take it as the end of everything. There are always people around and other senses in the world and you will be able to find them a little later.